When Liberals Think, Laughter Ensues

There are few better places to go than Reddit’s /r/politics when you want to get a feel for what liberals believe are the important issues facing the country. Consumed by an all-encompassing hatred for Republicans, religion, and America, Reddit’s lefties endorse marijuana legalization, net neutrality, and cop-hatred with roughly equivalent levels of enthusiasm. But sometimes they come up with an idea so asinine it deserves special attention.

Such was the case this week when a Redditor with the username CheesewithWhine figured out why race relations were so poor in today’s America. No, the problem isn’t with race-baiters like Sharpton and Jackson (and CNN and MSNBC and Obama and…). The problem is that the Union should have “de-Nazified” the South after the Civil War.

In his alternative history, the north would have erased Southern culture and all of its ugly racism in the years following the war:

The South should have been placed under military occupation for at least 50 years, with the federal government taking over responsibility from their state governments. Remove the confederate flag. Remove all symbolisms of the South. Teach them exactly how and why the Confederacy was wrong, and generally wipe off Southern culture in the same way the Allies wiped off Prussian militaristic culture.

He gets dreamy just thinking about it. If the federal government would have only taken these steps, this Redditor could have grown up in the liberal utopia his college professors told him about. Gone would be the gun culture, the religion, and the patriotism. Instead, we would have blacks and whites living in perfect harmony, free healthcare for everyone, peace, and “respect for knowledge and expertise.” Though not written by Chris Matthews, I’ll bet CheesewithWhine got a little chill up his leg just thinking about it.

Power Fantasies

One idiot’s reflections on Reconstruction would hardly be worth noting if they weren’t so emblematic of today’s liberals. Frustrated by their inability to persuade every single American to agree with their view of the world, they’ve begun to entertain thoughts of forcing conservatives over to their side. Decades of media brainwashing, judicial activism, and presidential overstep simply hasn’t done enough damage. Until someone invents a time machine, they won’t be able to go back and change history. But with enough maneuvering, maybe they can chart out a different course for the future.

What future do they want to see? Well, our friend the Redditor lays it all out for us. It’s a future where America embraces atheism. A future where those nuts with the guns are marginalized and probably locked away. A future where we take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance. Scratch that! A future where we get rid of the Pledge altogether. A future where we can send most of our paycheck straight to the federal government and wait in line for days to see the doctor. A scientist could be president! An atheist could be president! Rachel Maddow could be president!

Ah, maybe someday…

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