In November 2018, the Trump-endorsed Ron DeSantis narrowly won the Florida gubernatorial race, beating out the Obama-endorsed Andrew Gillum, much to the dismay of liberals all over the country. But those liberals may now have to admit that Florida dodged a major bullet by going Republican during the so-called “blue wave” midterm elections, seeing as how police caught Gillum this week in Miami, partying in a hotel room, drunk to the point of unresponsiveness, and keeping company with a known gay escort.
Oh, and there were bags of crystal meth in the room. Gillum claims to know nothing about those, of course.
How or why Gillum is not in jail today is a matter deserving of some scrutiny, but let’s put that aside for now and just enjoy this emerging scandal.
In a statement on Friday, Gillum said, “I was in Miami last night for a wedding celebration when first responders were called to assist one of my friends. While I had too much to drink, I want to be clear that I have never used methamphetamines.”
Okay, sounds pretty harmless, eh?
Well, it turns out that the friend that first responders were assisting is “Pornstar performer” Travis Dyson. And he doesn’t know anything about a mysterious wedding that Gillum was supposedly going to celebrate. In addition to providing services like “gay massage,” Dyson makes a living by working as a gay escort.
Now, we’re sure it’s only by the grace of God that we haven’t wound up inebriated to the point of blacking out in a hotel room with a gay male escort and bags of crystal meth, but we have to admit that we’ve never met anyone who found themselves in such a scenario. We’re sure it happens all the time, though. Completely innocent. Nothing to see here.
We’re also sure Gillum’s wife has no pointed questions about what, exactly, he was doing down there in Miami.
There were rumors floating around that Gillum – who was actually under FBI investigation while he mounted his first campaign for governor – might try taking another stab at Florida’s highest office in 2022.
We’d have to guess that Obama will not be rushing down to the Sunshine State to lend his name to Gillum’s candidacy a second time.