I Think My Dog is a Democrat

When it comes to conservative advice, one is best served by turning to the classics. The writings of the Founding Fathers. The Bible. Dilbert. But in a pinch, Patriot News Daily is always happy to help out.

Dear Patriot News Daily,

I came home from work yesterday to find my dog sitting calmly in front of the television, watching Hillary Clinton on CSpan. That wouldn’t have been so strange on its own – I leave it on when I’m gone so he’ll sleep during the day – but there have been other troublesome things. I caught him pawing at my laptop the other day. When I got it away from him, I noticed he had DailyKos up on the screen. I’ve never gone to that website in my life. I know this is weird, but I think my dog might be a Democrat. Help?

Troubled in Tuscson

Dear Troubled,

Your concerns are well founded, but not for the reasons you think. Almost ALL dogs are Democrats. Lovable, dumb little liberals. All heart and no brains. If that doesn’t describe a dog, what does?

Think about it. Dogs are freeloaders, begging relentlessly for any scraps you might happen to drop their way. Remind you of anyone? They will believe literally anything you say, no matter how many times you trick them. They have no sense of history; a dog is always in the perpetual present, and can always be convinced that the newest toy is the best toy. Left to their own devices, they will get exceedingly dirty – all the more amazing for the fact that they don’t actually do any work. Next time you come home to that panting, gleeful, empty-headed grin, think back to the crowds that greeted Barack Obama in 2008. If a few of those faces had belonged not to people but rather, say, golden retrievers…would you have even noticed?

So yeah, your dog is a Democrat. But don’t worry. We’ve got at least five or ten years before the left starts making a serious effort to let dogs vote. The bad news? They’ll probably manage to get it done. You might want to replace CSpan with some old videos of Ronald Reagan, just in case.

-PDN

Dear Patriot News Daily,

I was arguing with a coworker the other day about whether or not homosexuality is a choice. She asked me when I decided to be straight, and I have to admit that it stopped me in my tracks. What do you think?

Choiceless in Cleveland

Dear Choiceless,

It’s a fine point, but it does make you wonder…when do we choose to get into no-win arguments with liberals? Have you ever walked away from such an encounter thinking, you know, that was a damn fine use of my time? The admonition against broaching subjects like religion and politics is not just for the betterment of polite society; it’s for your own continued sanity!

As to the question – does anyone ever really choose to become a left-wing idiot? An enormous gulf of possibilities lies between “born that way” and “made a conscious choice.” Something to think about…but probably not something to argue with your coworker about. Save your sanity.

-PDN

Dear Patriot News Daily,

I decided yesterday that I would try being a liberal for a day. I woke up, quit my job, applied for welfare, watched three hours of MSNBC, and now I’m bored. It’s only noon, and I’m out of ideas. Any suggestions for how I should finish out the day?

Bored in Birmingham

Dear Bored,

Now you know why the left is in such a hurry to legalize weed!

-PDN

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140 comments

  1. dogs don’t understand class differences. All people are the same to them.

  2. Dogs more than humans. They know a good guy when they see them.

  3. Hilarious,facetious,but one should not think on these things to long because if you do it actually is a good fit for liberal Democrats. Then you are forced to accept the fact that our nation is under the control of those that are totally incompetent.

  4. Strange? When I show my dog a picture of Hillary it starts licking itself. I wonder what insight this “dumb” animal has gained that we should know about.

    • Mine does the same thing when he sees obama.

      • My dog started to enjoy watching Obama , Joe Biden & Hillary on tv, I took her to the vet and they gave her a good shot of antivenom and some pills for worms. She had a darn good Obama movement in the neighbor’s yard (they have Obama decals all over their car) and she now moans when these imbiciles come on tv, for me to put the tv on the History channel. It cost some money, but damn well worth it. I did not want to take her to the Humane Society (they believe in Obamacare there, as well). Good luck

    • This is what my girlfriend’s dog does when he sees obunghole

    • probably the peanut butter left on your fingers from when you spread it so she could lick you.

      • Golly, Jimmy Joe Bob, you real funny. I’ll bet you kiss democrats butts everyday of the week

        • my girl friend is democrat so yes i do so does that mean you pucker up to a picture of the koch brothers or adelsson as they own the republicans

          • This fool admits he is an ass licker, and is proud of it…..

            A true democrat puppet, if there ever was one…..

          • Kiss one, kiss ten, kiss em all. It still comes down to an ass kissing democrat scumbag.
            And your blind girlfriend? Keep er guessing jimmy joe bob. Convince her that your trailer house is really a suite at the Ritz.

  5. This is funny, My dog is a Republican , She turned on the TV to Fox & got the real news !

    • this article is supposed to be funny as in haha funny 😛 but honestly if you like “real news” you might want to look into a little broadcaster called BBC .. they do real news… aka the honest journalism of the old days where they actually looked into facts…not trying to spread opinion propaganda as fact.. like Fox News does.. and not only is Fox being a hypocrite for doing what they claim they aren’t doing .. they’re jumping on the latest fashion bandwagon.. a lot of places are doing that these days.. Fox is calling MSNBC, among other stations on it … not quite mudslinging since they do it too but it’s a little….. out there .. for Fox to be jumping on the bandwagon and calling other stations on it when they doing the same thing

      • You have to be a NY Times reader since you believe in the propaganda put out by the likes of MSNBC and the other lib social construct phonies.

      • MSNBC is the worst of the worst.

      • More like NBC/MSNBC,CBS,ABC,
        I trust FoxNews far above and be on that the former ones.

        • They are the LameStream News Media!!!

          Lame Stream News Media:
          CNN – Communist News Network
          CBS – Communist Broadcast System
          ABC – ANTI-American Broadcast Channel
          NBC – NUMBNUTS BA$TARD Channel
          MSNBC – Misleading Socialists National Broadcast Channel
          PBS-Puerile ‘Bama Supporter. Puerile means childish, silly, immature. By studi30
          What do they all have in common?? One will “NEVER” See The REAL, TRUE News!

      • Go to OneAmericaNews for real news with no fluff.

      • Chris, are you by any chance related to Debbie Wasserman Shultz??? You sound just like her. Just wondering…..

        • That is so cruel to tell someone they are stupid, brain-washed, brain-injured, or a Liberal-RETARD and traitor to the USA…….select any two.

      • There’s a difference, MSNBC has all liberals bashing republicans 24/7. There’s as many left wing pundits on Fox as there is rift wing, always two viewpoints.

        • Can any liberal with any common sense (I know that’s a stretch) but there are one or two around, please explain to your base that when you watch Fox, there are ALWAYS TWO POINTS OF VIEW, and I get so frustrated that NONE (ZERO) from the MSM (main street media) are ever challenged, especially when the “elite” won’t even consider keeping it real.
          Look at how Debbie Wasserman Schultz couldn’t even explain the difference between a democrat and a socialist – answer ….THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE.

      • But they don’t speak American on BBC only B R I T I S H or something?

      • The BBC? You must be joking right? The Brainwashed Bullshit Communist. That is HAHA funny. Real News? HAHA. We kicked their butts and their stupidity out years ago. Seems like it’s time to do housecleaning again and rid ourselves of those who snuck back in.

      • Chris, you’re smoking too much weed!!!

    • I had to have my dog euthanized because I caught him listening to Allan Combs on radio show.

    • turned on fox news and beame a veggie brain.

  6. I believe my two dogs to be a little Independent, and a little on the Conservative side. They don’t kiss anybody, will greet you with a smile or a turned head as to where have you been, bark at annoyances, will eat when they are ready, do not like liberal news stations, but loves to watch the Mountain Monsters, they work the back yard as a team with each inspecting what the other one did, and when you’re not looking, they’ll come out of nowhere and blindside you. Kind of what the Conservatives have been doing to the Democrats for the past two years.

  7. John Stratemeyer

    My dog actually takes his security job seriously – maybe too seriously. He barks if a fly farts.

  8. Your dog thinks it’s a Democrat ??
    Does it lick it’s butt excessively with joy,
    or does it always play male dominance games on other boy dogs?

  9. Thank God my dogs were smarter than that, they had a bad experience with a
    skunk early in life and now every time the see a Socialist Democrat they back
    up bare their teeth and grown. When Hillery came on TV to announce she
    was running my dogs took one look at her and hid. She scared them pretty bad,
    when she went off the make walked up to the TV and lifted his leg. He wanted
    to mark it as a very very bad place.

  10. But my dogs would protect me if attacked. I can not say the same about Hell-ary. If you doubt me ask the families of the guys that got killed trying to protect our ambassador.

  11. That means that cats are illegal aliens..!

    • No, more than one of my cats have pee’d on a picture of politicians especially Hit-lie-ree and Obumass.
      I’m trying to train my one year old calico to poop on their pictures, but I’ll have to line the bottom their cat box with the pix because nobody will ever be able to say that calico’s poop don’t stink !!

  12. Joseph Nicholas Toth Jr.

    The way I see it, the dog was just trying to bury it or at least covered up, he thought it was the # 2.

  13. AnonymouseIsAWoman

    I love it. It’s true, it’s true.

  14. A conservative dog would be listening to Rush Limbaugh!

  15. why do the conservatives insist on lying about the dems being on welfare. the 5 major suckers at the federal government teet is texas- georgia- allbama-mississippi and louisisana all bastion of the failed policys of the conservative leaders pointing their fingers on one hand in one direction as the other is filling up with the federal money needed to make their failing states stay afloat.
    Talk about the evils of homosexuality and then keep electing lidsey grahm to the senate. that queen is gayer than a mardi gras float .
    if dems are desendent from the wolves that must make republicans bovine as they quietly chew their cud while the bosses herd tham to and fro never asking questions until they are led to the slaughter house to feed the needs of their masters.

    • You might research the 10 fastest economically growing states that are run by Republican governors. You might also want to checkout the number of illegal aliens that are draining state budgets. There are liars out there that are putting out lies to try and counter what Conservatives governors have accomplished. One of the greatest reason the so-called Progressives are behind the Dumbing Down of America is that they know idiots are easily misled. So are you a Liar or just one of the Dumbed Downed that has been misled.

      • jamesowens is a Liberal TROLL and has been around for awhile, trying to harrass Conservatives.

        My Dad had a simple statement when he heard preposterous BS coming from the likes of jamesowens, obama or most any Democrat: “He doesn’t know his azz from a hole in the ground”.

      • you have definitley drank the kool-aid- it is the republicans who wish to defund the public school system -it is the conservaturds who think college education is to liberal and not necessary. talk about dumming down of America reread the drivel you just wrote and try to use an educated mind you are laughable in your ignorance. keep getting your news from fox and in your spare time goggle how manytimes fox has won a news broadcast award for honesty i am sure you will like to quote the results to all of your fellow believers.

        • Dimrat, you’re so smart you don’t know the difference between “to” and “too”, or how to spell “definitely”, or the difference between “‘Google” and “goggle”! Liberal school education, no doubt-get a life!

          • typical conservaturd dimwit . when confronted with the truth or facts change direction and attack on something stupid and irrelevant – can you say bengazi or email do you to think hillary dined at a mexican restaurant to pander to the hispanic population-lol good thing she didnt crave a falafal salad she would be accused of muslim
            You really should goggle the fox news awards you will love the amount of achievments they have recieved

          • I thought “goggles” were something you wore to protect your eyes. Have I been wrong all these 83 years ??? Oh whoa is me…..

          • apparently you were if thats yopur only insight into the conversation

          • The amount of fail, in this statement, “You really should goggle the fox news awards you will love the amount of achievments they have recieved” is astounding…..

            You have truly outdone yourself with your tendency to spew idiocy…..

            You never fail to sink to new lows…..

          • sorry you wrong again . the amount of news awards for faux noise is 0. the ones they award to themselves as best talking head dont count thats like your momma telling you that you were smart. try reading the facts yourself i have 2 bachelors degreees psycology and nursing as well as a nurse practitioners license. i think that trumps your 2 grade spelling bee 3rd place finish. typical republicunt dont know facts so make them up

          • You aren’t even smart enough to notice the quotation marks I placed around a statement you posted, the one that is directly above mine…..

            A normal person would be ashamed of the ignorance displayed by your idiotic spewing of gibberish…..

            But you prove with every post, you’re not normal…..

            “Abnormal” would be a compliment, if directed at you, but you are too stupid to grasp that concept…..

            I bet your parents are proud of what they produced from their loins, assuming they saw you after you survived the abortion bin, from which you were ignominiously dumped, after the D&C…..

          • LOL typical conservaturd nothing to add to a conversation so throw out an insult- the rush limbaugh school of debate and you are the poster child LOL

          • You were the poster child for NAMBLA, for the durability, elasticity, & stamina, of your tortured rectum. Cherished, and loved, by one, and all of the perverts in your neighborhood…..

            Go ahead look it up…..

            Except you probably don’t have to, you proudly have the poster framed and mounted on your mother’s basement wall…..

            Thanks for the idiotic ranting and rambling, I’m sure you have provided countless hours of humor for those of us that love the way you prove how idiotic obama, and clinton, lovers are…..

            You accuse others of calling names, something which you do, in virtually every post…..

            You are in a sad state, little man, dumb and useless, depending on your poor mother’s charity, and our tax dollars, to survive…..

            If anyone employs you, it has to be for some meaningless job that a trained monkey could do better, they just can’t locate a monkey, at this point in time…..

            You are a moron, and as such, don’t deserve any respect, or any pity…..

            Your opinions are worthless, much as you are…..

            Your turn, idiot…..

          • with every rant your anal fixation is more apparent. did you hear the popping sound when you finally got your head all the way up your ass

          • You are truly a moron…..

            Keep proving it with every post…..

            It is self evident to anyone that attempts to read anything you post….

            You are a living joke, a feeble, worthless consumer of feces…..

            You will never amount to anything except a useless waste of food, air, and water…..

            Now keep posting, so more people can see what a fool you are, simpleton…..

          • LOL- another intelligent arguement for the conservaturd. hey dummie do you even know wha the subject the intelligent people were talking about befor you butted in with your kindergarden/ ghetto speech. LOL talk about simpletons stay on the talking point not your anal fixations

          • Dixin Balzdeap

            Yet more proof, that you are an idiot…..

            Every post supplies more proof….

            Thanks for reinforcing my supposition that you are a simpleton…..

            Moron…..

          • so in other words i am correct and you have not a clue as to what the subject of the conversation was yet you want to chime in with your moronic ranting. LOL you are a joke and i would call you a spammer but your not smart enough to even remember the topics LOL

          • Dixin Balzdeap

            I don’t care what the subject is…..
            You are a Moron, regardless of anything else…..

            Moron…..

          • He’s so uneducated he can’t even punctuate a sentence properly or capitalize a new sentence. Oh well, must have been educated in one of those “gubmint skools” or as I know them, “indoctrination centers”.
            As for the Dept. of Education (that is an oxymoron if I ever heard one), name me one student that has been “educated” by them. That’s what I thought…..Not one !!! Just another beaurocracy to spend our tax dollars and hire politically connected “hacks”.

          • Thats the reason my parents sent me to private schools!!

        • My English Bulldogs are more educated than you, your posts are on a equal with Obama’s speeches.

          • you are correct – facts -truth and goodwords for the majority of true Americans . you nazi conservaturds are dying off and it cant be soon enough. hopefully when hillary is elected she will let you all move to texas and we or you can build a wall to keep you there where you can learn to hate each others ignorance as much as the educated majority of america does.

      • he’s both

      • Right on. When Ronald Reagan was governor of California it was a kick ass state, economic growth, aerospace, commercial and residential development, friendly to small business and now we have Jerry Brown, 96,000 DMV new hires to process illegal aliens drivers licenses, opening the flood gates for millions of illegal aliens here or on the way and giving welfare, unemployment insurance,medicaid, on and on. jamesowens is a typical troll on the doal.

    • Dems are descended from Satan. Wish they’d all go home.

      • Nope, descended from pollywogs as liberals love Darwin and they are all still in the amphimedon stage. All liberal’s love abortion and I hate abortion but feel more liberal parents should practice what they preach.

    • Woa? What? California is the the most liberal state in the union, Gov. Brown just hired 96,000 more DMV employees to process illegal alien drivers licenses.
      You are a liberal and call Lindsay Graham a queer, I thought you liberals loved queers. I don’t give a hoot what politicians sexual preferences are so I will let you tell us if the 3-L’s are straight, Pelosi, Boxer and Feinstein as a conservative I am not able to cast disparaging remarks relating to the sexual preferences of democrats as I will leave that up to you and Barney Frank.

  16. What an insult to dogs being called a possible demo rat.

    • Unlike Democrats dogs don’t bite the hands that feed them. In that sense it is an insult to dogs. That goes for boar hogs too.

  17. Dogs have more brains than most politicians.

  18. If found that my dog is a Democrat and would teach him the pleasure of under water swimming..

  19. Sorry I don’t have dog,s

  20. Mr. Bodacious Big Tony my English Bulldog, five years old, 85 lbs is definitely not a liberal. He is the guy with the green hat.

    • Mr. Bodacious Big Tony is a fine looking dog and you can see it in his eyes, that he does not cater up to varmits, Democrats or Liberals! And I bet you did not even have to train him, either! Something in their blood or maybe the food you feed them! Well, done!

      • Could be the smell. Think BO.

      • We got Tony when he was 10 weeks old and have a female English Bulldog also, Lady Violet who was 18 months old when we brought Tony home and Violet became Tony’s new mommy and now they are the best of friends. Speaking of varmints Tony and Violet caught this liberal racoon poaching cat food on the front deck and violet could fit under the deck where the raccoon was but Tony was too big then one hell of a fight and I had to pull up some deck boards to get Violet out and got her off the racoon, she had broken it’s neck. Animal control picked up the “coon” and tested it for rabies and the test was negative. Tony and Violet I keep in the house when “coons” are out. I would never take them to the White House.

        • Thank God that we have such good and intelligent animals. Tony sounds like he could raise a great “coon” dog and Lady Violet wants to make sure those democratic coons do not come near her house!! And to find a dried up hippie would be like finding Nancy Pelosi walking down the street and God knows what that stench could bring up!! But she keeps getting re-elected because that district in S/F probably gets “medical marijuana” just before elections. Just imagine what it could do to your Right Wing Conservative Bulldogs? And Cats are real acceptable to strange odors permeating through the air. It hits them real fast and they think it is Cat Nip and you are smart to keep the Lady inside, because they seek out pleasures of the night, so quickly!! Could you imagine being from the same area of California where TWO LIBERAL women are in control, Pelosi & Feinstein? Those poor people do not know what is happening to them, but they still think it is still the 60’s and Jimi Hendrix is going to float down and save them. Take care of those beautiful animals!

  21. My Brittanys are much more intelligent that Bathhouse Barry and other Devilcrats. When they bark it is for a good reason. When Bathhouse and Pelosi open their mouths idiocy is manifested. But, you get what you pay for and unfortunately, a majority of Americans are just as stupid as the above. God help us.

    • The Marxists got their hands in our schools when the Department of so-called Education was created, something the Communists were calling for as far back as 1935 which then president of the CPUSA is the first on record calling for a governmental system, imagine their celebration when they realized in 1980 they would have access to the minds of our children so they could propagandize them on a national level. The Communist Party United States America is still flourishing and of course supports Democrats. Even though history proves this system is oppressive and makes slaves of it’s people, there are still many fools that go along with these evil men who are trying to turn America into a Communist America.

    • God helps those that help themselves but I did not get what I paid for but got what stupid voters voted for.
      Two terms of Obama were enough to last a lifetime, now Hillary? Billy Bob Has prematurely hired interior decorators to design the Lincoln bedroom for he and Monica.

    • Chuck, they cannot help it. It is the National educational System. They have been Brainwashed and treat Liberals with respect and honor. And these burned out hippies, laugh at them everyday behind the doors. Have you seen that smile on Hillary? I just wonder what kind of staples they use BEFORE she steps out into public? It must be working, because she CAN smile! A good Brittany would go up to her and lifts its leg and wash that FALSE smile away! If she gets in office, Bathhouse Barry will make Jimmy Carter look Good! Now that is BAD!! But good Ole Bill is chomping at the bits to be the First Manny of the WH!! I can see him now, inviting those unsuspecting young ladies into HIS parlor while the WITCH is away!! I see the Gleam in his eyes!! I think he is already ordering his Viagra, by the container load!

  22. Liberals are not lovable they are vile creatures

  23. to tell if your dog is a demoncrat.. he will dump on the floor and deny he did it and expect someone else to clean it up…

    • Guess my Bulldogs are more conservative than Barry Goldwater, God bless Barry as he was a great guy.

      • a sad day for America when Goldwater lost the election…..we as a nation would not be in the condition we are now had he won..also i think your bulldogs are a lot prettier than pelosi… definitely smarter..

        • ted j You are a true conservative and it was a sad day when Barry Goldwater lost to LBJ.
          I turned 21 April 1964 and voted for Barry. Orange County back then was super conservative. The democrats, CBS, NBC, ABC painted Barry as nut with his finger on the nuclear button which was a stellar lie. LBJ was a crook not much different than John Wilkes Booth if you catch my insinuation?
          Don’t think the Tea Party will not get much done. I think we need a conservative party.
          Yes my bulldogs are better looking than Pelosi and if they weren’t I’d I would shave their asses and make them walk backwards and they would still be better looking?

          • the MSM was the reason that conservatives have lost many elections since then… and they are still doing it today…the NWO has infiltrated our educational institutions and poisoned the minds of our youth…most young people today are A-political… they do not have a clue as to what is happening in the world today..and sadly they do not seem to care….the only hope for America is for God to forgive us for our sins and restore us to the one nation under God..

    • And expect to be fed and housed and do nothing but whine and bark when someone disagreeable comes near. Now, that’s a demmy-dog. If it’s black and white, you can name it Bammie.

  24. great funnys

  25. dogs are smart-they have you work for them.

  26. Morons! The lot of you!

  27. It is not that I question that are dogs democrats, but why are democrats dogs? Like doing everything they can to get your attention/support, and then running around a defecating everywhere.

  28. Sadly true, and appallingly funny.

  29. My dogs work hard for their keep… they protect our property diligently.. help with livestock and keep my feet warm on cold winter nights…they never beg or whine… they love playing with the children and would take your head off if you threatened one of them… they hunt to kill rats and snakes without ever being trained to… they’re good dogs.

  30. I don’t know where your dog was raised or how you or someone else brainwashed him. My dog was raised in the country. He works for a living. The more he works the more rewards he gets. He is loyal and loving. When I am away he relaxes but he does not always sleep. He is on constant guard and ready, willing and able to defend our home against all enemies both foreign and domestic. When I am home he is glad to spend our time together hunting, fishing or checking or working livestock. He helps me in many ways and loves me and I him. He does not turn on me or forget me as voters do in favor of the neighbor with nothing to share but empty promises. My dog reminds me of Ted Cruz. Loyal, Caring, and willing to serve, not be served by the people who elected him. What you see is what you get. He does not change his coat when out of site to serve another, Sorry your dog turned on you and wants rewards without earning them. There must be a flaw in your character for him not wanting to serve you and choose to be demoncrat. My dog belongs to the TEA PARTY and wears a Gadsden Flag on his collar.

  31. Well, cats on the other hand are Conservatives. They always have a spot no other animal can shear with them unless they want to fight over it. They crap in the cat box instead of your grass outside and will bury their waste as not to let someone step in it. Dog’s pee and crap on your grass, killing it. They eat until they’re full and come back later when their hungry again. Dog’s eat their bowl empty and want more, and continue to beg for your food when you want to eat. Cats get some attention and scratches give you a purr, then leave you alone when they’ve had enough, giving you your space. Dog’s are in need of constant attention, never leaving your side. Cat’s clean themselves, Dog’s, well need a bath and usual fight you when you clean them, then they get everyone wet in the area when you try to dry them off. Cat’s are smart, Dog’s, well some are smart, most are Scooby Doo dumb.
    It must be hard for a cat to live in a house with a dog, but speaking from experience, the cat usually controls the dog anyway to the cats advantage…

  32. Here is another station your dog may be watching CPB or as I call it CORPORATION FOR PROGANDA BORADCASTING any government brainwashing program,

  33. What an insulting thing to say about dogs, some may be like that, but most are a lot smarter than they are given credit for,,, After all you’re taking care of him aren’t you, he(or she) doesn’t have to work to hard to keep you smiling,,lol

  34. GO AFTER THE PARTY OF DEATH. SHOUT FOR LIFE. SAVE THE KIDS. BEWARE OF THE COMMUNIST INDOCTRINATION MEDIA. SELLING SIN AND BETRAYAL.
    SPIRIT OF AMERICA PARTY

  35. How disgusting to degrade dogs in such a manner.

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