Hillary’s New Book Blames Crazy Bernie for Sinking Her Campaign

The hunt for new and interesting scapegoats continues.

After blaming everyone from Vladimir Putin to systematic misogyny to the DNC to James Comey for her 2016 election loss, Hillary Clinton is setting her sights on a new demon in her forthcoming book: Bernie Sanders. In “What Happened,” due out on September 12, Hillary takes readers through her thoughts on the catastrophic election loss that none of her supporters saw coming. And in doing so, she heaps a great deal of the blame on the democratic socialist who forced her to the left on issue after issue during the primaries.

According to excerpts from the book that were released online this week, Clinton viewed Sanders as an enthusiastic magic fairy, always ready to wave his wand and promise his true believers the world while she, being pragmatic and restrained, tried to keep her policies tied to the real world. She concluded that his neverending attacks on her created “lasting damage” that hurt her in the general election and allowed Trump to tag her with the “Crooked Hillary” moniker.

Well, frankly, if the shoe fits…

“When I finally challenged Bernie during a debate to name a single time I changed a position or a vote because of a financial contribution, he couldn’t come up with anything,” Clinton writes. “Nonetheless, his attacks caused lasting damage, making it harder to unify progressives in the general election and paving the way for Trump’s ‘Crooked Hillary’ campaign.”

Clinton also takes a passing shot at Sanders’ fanbase in the book.

“Some of his supporters, the so-called Bernie Bros, took to harassing my supporters online,” she said. “It got ugly and more than a little sexist.”

Hey, there’s that other scapegoat! Sexism, folks: Use it when you have absolutely no other argument to make!

At another point, she relays something one of her top aides at the time said, comparing Bernie Sanders to the “Something About Mary” character who tries to undercut the popular “Eight Minute Abs” workout with his own, revolutionary “Seven Minute Abs” program.

“That’s what it was like in policy debates with Bernie,” she writes. “We would promise a bold infrastructure investment plan or an ambitious new apprenticeship program for young people, and then Bernie would announce basically the same thing, but bigger. On issue after issue, it was like he kept promising four-minute abs, or even no-minutes abs. Magic abs!”

Okay, that’s kinda funny. Maybe if she would have spent more time coming up with humorous arguments like this and less time cribbing debate answers from Donna Brazile, she would have dispatched with her socialist challenger a lot earlier.

But then, we forgot: Nothing’s her fault. Ever.

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