Hillary: The Media Is Viciously Attacking Me!

For Hillary Clinton, it’s not enough that Donald Trump gets 99% of the bad media coverage; no, even one 24-hour cycle of negative press is too much! The fury of her campaign was unleashed this week, when an Associated Press report showed that Hillary’s guest list at the State Department was crammed full of Clinton Foundation donors. And boom, all of a sudden the media was forced to at least put on a show of objectivity. This blunder was a little too obvious to ignore.

Oh wait, no it wasn’t. In fact, this is just a nothing story, invented by know-nothings with no purpose to their lives. Here, let Hillary’s chief strategist, Joel Benenson explain it.

“They took a small sliver of her tenure as secretary of state, less than half the time, less than a fraction of the meetings, fewer than I think 3 percent,” Benenson said on CNN. “This is a woman who met with over 17,000 world leaders, countless other government officials, public officials in the United States. And they’ve looked at 185 meetings and tried to draw a conclusion from that.”

That’s a great argument, other than the fact that this is openly admitted in the AP story. Their reporters limited their inquiry to Clinton’s private meeting/phone call list, where they found that Clinton Foundation donors comprised more than half of the names. Any discussion of Clinton’s broader day-to-day agenda is meaningless. Laughable. It’s like catching your employee robbing the cash register and he says, “Yeah, but look how times I came to work and didn’t rob you!”

James Carville, the campaign mind behind Hillary’s husband, said on TV that people would be “going to hell” for their vicious attacks on the Clinton Foundation.

And the foundation itself wouldn’t even dignify the reports. “We’re not responding to the outside criticism,” said Clinton Foundation president Donna Shalala, explaining away the sudden changes the organization has announced amid the growing swell of, well, outside criticism.

By any standard, Hillary Clinton has enjoyed a charmed ride on the 2016 election float. She ran into a populism snag along the way and narrowly avoided that unpleasant federal prosecution business, but the news media carried her through on its golden sails. Destroying Trump is now their full-time job, which lets them espouse their political agenda in front of actual viewers for the first time. Boy, are they going to miss these ratings.

And maybe it was out of that ratings desperation that they jumped on this story with unusual ferocity. Trump’s been boring lately. Even with the best imaginations in Hollywood on the clock, they couldn’t come up with any way to twist his words into a controversy last week. And in a clarifying moment of silence, they thought: Hey, isn’t that other chick running for president, too? Where the hell has she been?

Oh, she’s hiding. Her best bet – her only good bet – is to remain as invisible as possible for the next two months. Hatred for Trump is the only force capable of putting her in the White House (after you adjust for fraud, etc.). She wants voters to be a little surprised when they see her name on the ballot. “Oh right, Hillary Clinton,” they’ll say with a groan. “Oh well.” And they’ll pick her because, well, who else is there.

But that strategy only works as long as Trump is giving the media enough meat to make a meal out of. If he starts playing it straight, the rock Hillary has been hiding under gets more and more conspicuous.

265 days since the last press conference. 265 days and counting.