University “Autonomous Zone” Ends When Students Can’t Get Pizza

This may read like a headline from The Onion or The Babylon Bee, but this is the world we now live in, where the line between reality and satire is so thin that it’s nearly indistinguishable. This really happened. This is a glittering symbol of just how foolish and ridiculous the modern left has become.

Inspired by the anarchists in Seattle, a group of about a dozen students at the University of Chicago decided on Friday that they would occupy the campus police department, shut out administration, and declare themselves an “autonomous zone.” Their demand: That the university defund the campus police and redirect that money to struggling communities in the South Side of the city.

It became immediately obvious, however, that they were stretching the word “autonomous” beyond the breaking point.

“Protesters inside and around a new ‘autonomous zone’ at the University of Chicago Police Department are urinating and defecating inside a tent in the room,” noted journalist Andy Ngo.

This seemed to be confirmed by a protester inside the building who tweeted out this message, which was short on the autonomy and long on the whining: “University of Chicago police are blocking the doors, preventing us from getting access to food, water, & bathroom breaks during our peaceful sit in. Folk bought pizza and we can’t get it.”

The group had stated at the outset that they would continue to occupy the building until they were given a meeting with administrators. But their resolve weakened the next morning at 11:00 when they could no longer stand to be without their Papa Johns. Yelling “we will be back” on their way out of the building, they looked like nothing so much as a collection of spoiled toddlers who had failed to convince their parents to give in to their demands.

The utter silliness of this failed occupation makes it ripe for humor, but it also contains an important kernel of truth. It’s that, regardless of how much press the protests, riots, sit-ins, and “autonomous zones” get from the liberal media…this is actually a very small percentage of the country. Enough to wreak havoc? Surely. We’ve seen that. But they do not represent majority thought in this country by any stretch of the imagination. These are, by and large, the same woke children who have plagued our college campuses for the last five years.

It’s past time for the adults in this country to send these brats to their rooms. Without pizza.


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