News From the Future: President Clinton Defends Smart Gun Laws

In the fourth year of her controversial presidency, Hillary Clinton told reporters in Washington that The Smart Gun Act of 2018 was working – despite statistics that appear to show otherwise.

“The problem isn’t the smart gun mandate,” President Clinton said. “The problem is that we haven’t yet done enough.”

According to the newest figures from the FBI, gun violence rates have yet to respond to Clinton’s mandate – which made it illegal for both manufacturers and local distributors to traffic in firearms not fitted with “smart gun” technology. And after several high-profile reports of homeowners being killed after their defenses were compromised by technological glitches, Clinton’s critics are demanding a change.

“We knew this would happen all along,” said Mark Price, a Houston criminologist. “We knew it all the way back in 2016, when Obama started us down this path.”

Price is referring to an announcement made by the previous administration in the waning days of Obama’s presidency. In April of 2016, Obama called on the Department of Defense and law enforcement agencies across the country to begin testing smart-gun technology in real-world settings. Though the White House insisted at the time that there would be no mandate requiring Americans – civilian, military, or police – to use smart guns exclusively, many critics predicted that it would only be a matter of time before that promise vanished in a cloud of gunsmoke.

“We just didn’t know it would happen so quickly,” said Price.

In the months after Obama’s announcement, the Supreme Court ruled for Obama in a 26-state lawsuit challenging his executive amnesty, Hillary Clinton won the election, and Democrats came into control of both houses of Congress. Clinton immediately appointed Mufasa Islam to the Supreme Court – a 44-year-old Muslim activist whose entire judicial background was based in Sharia Law. Islam was rejected even by the Democrat-controlled legislature, but Clinton – using the precedence already established by the amnesty decision – overruled Congress and confirmed the new Justice herself.

A year later, Clinton – discouraged by the slow pace of the smart gun rollout – introduced “Executive Legislation” making the technology mandatory across the board.

“I was elected to be a leader,” Clinton said at the time. “Not a follower. I promised to take the fight to the NRA, and I intend to live up to that promise.”

Yesterday, President Clinton said that she will be drafting a new series of “Executive Laws” that will finally eradicate American gun violence once and for all.

“We’ve come to a turning point,” she said. “Do we pass this epidemic on to our children, or do we finally take common sense action against this virus of violence?”

Clinton has not announced what further steps she will take in the coming months, but with the Supreme Court expected to abolish the Second Amendment in July, her supporters are wildly excited.

“The best case scenario,” said John Murphy, an avowed Communist and one of Clinton’s closest allies, “is that we make gun ownership an act of treason. And I think we may see something very much like that before the year is through.”

Exaggeration? Sure.

But by how much? That’s the question.

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