A New Era in Media: Biden Greeted With Softball Press Conference

Well, now that Joe Biden has been crowned the President-Elect, the Washington media can go back to sleep. After all, they successfully destroyed the WORST THREAT EVER to democracy by taking down President Trump, right? They deserve a break. And goshdarnnit, their good buddy Biden deserves a break as well. The vacation started in earnest on Tuesday when Biden held his first press conference since the election, taking a handful of soft lobs from friendly reporters with dreamy looks in their eyes.

“I wonder if you have a message for the President, who may well be watching right now, and how do you expect to be able to work with Republicans when so many have thus far refused to even acknowledge your victory?,” asked NBC News’s Mike Memoli.

“I also wonder, you warned during the campaign that as the walls closed in on the President, he would behave more erratically,” he continued. “Yesterday he fired his defense secretary on Twitter. Are you worried that he’s disabling the government? And what you are saying to the world leaders who are calling you at this point about the situation here?”

Also, please, Mr. Biden, could you explain to the American people just how you got to be so damn wonderful?

CNN’s Jeff Zeleny was up next. He hit Biden hard with this dramatic piece of journalistic probing: “If I could follow-up, without transition funding, will you be able to go through with the proper transition that’s needed? You would like to access to the PDB and will you authorize legal action or would that be too divisive, do you believe?”

Also, Mr. Biden, is there anything we in the media can do to help? If you want us to pass a collection plate around, we would certainly consider it.

“But to Jeff’s point, Presumably at some point you will need access to more classified information to secure facilities and the like,” said ABC News correspondent Mary Bruce. “What options are you considering? How will you move ahead if the President continues to refuse to concede?”

Do you think you might have to beat him up, Mr. Biden? We know you could do it, you marvelous specimen, you!

Local reporter Meredith Newman got the last question, asking Biden, “Sir, what do you say to the Americans that are anxious over the fact that President Trump has yet to concede and what that might mean for the country?”

Well, Meredith, from what we’ve seen from your friends in the national media, it means that we’re headed for the 154th “Constitutional Crisis” of the Trump presidency. Which, judging from what became of the last 153, means we’ll all be just fine.

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